Can't buy me love - or friendship

April 19, 2020

Listen to this article

Can't buy me love - or friendship

While researchers have suggested that individuals who base their self-worth on their financial success often feel lonely in everyday life, a newly published study has taken initial steps to better understand why this link exists.


What the researchers say: “When people base their self-worth on financial success, they experience feelings of pressure and a lack of autonomy, which are associated with negative social outcomes,” said one of the paper’s co-authors.


“Feeling that pressure to achieve financial goals means we’re putting ourselves to work at the cost of spending time with loved ones, and it’s that lack of time spent with people close to us that’s associated with feeling lonely and disconnected,” said the lead author.


The findings, published in the journal Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, emphasize the role of social networks and personal relationships in maintaining good mental health and why people should preserve those connections, even in the face of obstacles or pursuing challenging goals.


“Depression and anxiety are tied to isolation, and we’re certainly seeing this now with the difficulties we have connecting with friends during the COVID-19 pandemic,” she said. “These social connections are important. We need them as humans in order to feel secure, to feel mentally healthy and happy. But much of what’s required to achieve success in the financial domain comes at the expense of spending time with family and friends.”


The researchers said it’s not financial success that’s problematic or the desire for money that’s leading to these associations.


At the center of this research is a concept psychologists identify as “Financial Contingency of Self-Worth.” When people’s self-worth is contingent on money, they view their financial success as being tied to the core of who they are as a person. The degree to which they succeed financially relates to how they feel about themselves—feeling good when they think they’re doing well financially but feeling worthless if they’re feeling financially insecure.


The research involved more than 2,500 participants and looked for relationships between financial contingency of self-worth and key variables, such as time spent with others, loneliness and social disconnection. This included a daily diary study that followed participants over a two-week period to assess how they were feeling over an extended time about the importance of money and time spent engaged in various social activities.


“We saw consistent associations between valuing money in terms of who you are and experiencing negative social outcomes in previous work, so this led us to ask the question of why these associations are present,” said the lead author. “We see these findings as further evidence that people who base their self-worth on money are likely to feel pressured to achieve financial success, which is tied to the quality of their relationships with others.”


So, what? Other recent research (reported in TR) has shown that basing one’s self-worth on anything except your value to your relationships, your community or your society is self-defeating. This is true whether you base your self-worth on your career, your intellect, your possessions or your traits.


The hunter-gatherers that I lived with all those many years ago showed that they valued people for their support, for their understanding and for their social utility. I think they got it right.

Dr Bob Murray

Bob Murray, MBA, PhD (Clinical Psychology), is an internationally recognised expert in strategy, leadership, influencing, human motivation and behavioural change.

Join the discussion

Join our tribe

Subscribe to Dr. Bob Murray’s Today’s Research, a free weekly roundup of the latest research in a wide range of scientific disciplines. Explore leadership, strategy, culture, business and social trends, and executive health.

Thank you for subscribing.
Oops! Something went wrong while submitting the form. Check your details and try again.